Rebel With A Cause

Other than baseball, my interest in sports ranges
from little to none.

And my lack of athletic prowess was well established in
elementary school.

I had a way of conveniently forgetting to tote along
a pair of slacks, so I was unable to participate in
tumbling. This move netted my one and only “D”.

Getting smacked in the face on a frigid day with
an ice cold soccer ball sealed the deal. No Olympic
trials in my future.

In high school, the girls’ Pep Club was a bit militaristic
to my way of thinking.

Everyone was required to wear matching black skirts
and red sweaters. To obtain a letter for the sweater,
members earned points by attending meetings and
selling game day ribbons bearing clever sayings,
such as: “Stew The Benson Bunnies.”

In response to this insanity, I devised an admittedly
devious solution. On those rare occasions when I wished
to attend an athletic event and sit with the Pep Club,
I borrowed the official sweater of my best friend’s sister.

I blended right in with the rest of the group and from
a distance, no one could detect I was chanting the wrong
words at the wrong time. BINGO!

Those of you reading this are henceforth sworn to secrecy.
Should the school administration get wind of this, they
could well revoke my high school diploma and place me in
detention.

 

Inspired by Daily Prompt – Rebel

Wild Turkey Tale

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Pick up the pace we have to hurry
Matilda’s missing I’m getting worried

Into the oven she’s been shoved
Bid adieu to my true love

Packed with stuffing, trussed and skewered
I only wish she had been shrewder

Soon to be hash casserole
Thanksgiving takes a hefty toll

Pick up your feet we best not tarry
Or next they’ll snatch up uncle Harry

Have a Happy Thanksgiving!

Daily Prompt – Percolate

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If only the creative process
Would yield to intimidation.

The scenario would go something like this:

Alright you little buggers,
I know you’re in there
All jumbled up together
In a nonsensical mass

Percolating away
Lackadaisically
Back in the darkest
Recesses of my mind.

I demand you hold
Your serifs up high
And step forward
In a coherent sentence
This instant

Or else I’ll tear you apart
Letter by letter
Punctuating your demise
With glee.

And they say writers are unstable.

Balderdash!

Mud Fest 2016

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Considering the raucous tenor of
the 2016 Presidential campaign
and the first Presidential debate,
perhaps the traditional format
whereby candidates seek cover behind
their respective podiums and
sling rhetorical mud at each other,
should be modified accordingly.

In that all borders of civility
have long ago been breached, it
might be more apropos to dispense
with the pomp and circumstance
and dive right into the slimy muck
head first, with a ‘get down and dirty’
mud wrestling match.

I can see the headline now:
‘Don The Dominator vs Hil The Hellcat’

The media would eat it up, providing
blow-by-blow coverage and 24/7 replays.

Sponsors would scramble to get
a piece of the action.

And, it would lend that reality show
flavor to the proceedings to which the
American public has become accustomed.

Which would survive the fracas,
Donald’s hair or Hillary’s pantsuit?

Whether you choose to tune in or tune out,
be sure to cast your vote come November!

Inspired by Daily Prompt: Border

Curmudgeons R Us

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The time has come for a store
catering specifically to the
needs of seniors.

The following items would be
added to my Wish List
immediately:

–An ear bud which adjusts the
speed of those who talk faster than
a jackrabbit runs.

–An App to instruct bewildered
teenagers how to handle legal
tender and correctly make change.

–A button to push which would
transform the robotic wait staff
of chain restaurants into real people
with personalities, able to
communicate without a script
to follow.

–A device to turn the latest
Windows release into whatever
version from the past decade you
prefer to use.

–A tool to instill a work and
service ethic in employees
who view customer interaction
as an imposition which cuts into
their chat time with friends.

–Clothing which is stylish without
tops that fit like sausage casings
and bottoms that slide off the
hips to your knees.

–Eyeglasses which automatically
adjust miniscule, well nigh
invisible print into a readable size.

–And last, but not least,
a magic potion turning back
the hands of time, so none of
the aforementioned are necessary.

Daily Prompt – Fifty

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FIFTY:

Snail’s pace on the Autobahn
Ways To Leave Your Lover (Paul Simon)
Mid-century modern
Halfway there
Ten nickels
Half full (optimist)
Failing grade
AARP wants you
Dreaded reunion
The new 30
Ulysses S. Grant’s bill
States in the union
Short of a majority
Half empty (pessimist)
Golden anniversary
On sale today (BOGO)
Halfway to go
Even steven
Fifty more to 100